I lived in a house with my mother and father for what seemed like forever but it was actually until I was eighteen the summer I went to the slammer for stabbing a person too many times in the neck.
Most of my time growing up was spent in the basement, where there was a big-screen TV and lots of room and space for guests. I used like to watch action movies with Dolph Lungren in the basement. And drink lots of soda. There were many things to do, in my home, in my basement. See, these were the days before puberty, before I was wetting my bed with semen. That basement was my own private party club.
No girls allowed.
One of my favorite things to do in the basment was arrange my father's designer pillows in a vertical row and then hump the pillows as if they were humans until my hairless thurst-hammer felt all tingly. Until it felt really good.
I used to lie on that couch
for what seemed like forever,
Mom made dinner